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I’ll start off by saying that I’m a white cis-female in her late 20’s who identifies as queer, feminist, radical and punk. I’m speaking from my experiences being a part of a largely DIY poppunk scene for the majority of my life and in a touring band for over six years. A large part of the time, I feel welcomed, supported and accepted within the “punk” circles that I’m a part of. However, nothing makes me more angry then hearing someone, men specifically, say that the scene isn’t sexist, “because we’re all punks and obviously that’s not cool.” I am far from the only woman-identified person in the room who would like to call bullshit on that statement. While yes, most of my friends and the spaces I go to do not tolerate obviously sexist, homophobic, racist, able-ist, etc. speech, saying those concepts do not exist in our community is just flat out wrong. What offends me is not always just the action itself, but the excuse that if you wear the “punk” label that you’re absolved of having done anything wrong because you “didn’t mean it that way.” I can’t think of a rationale so unproductive.
I think part of the problem is that a lot of guys don’t understand the things that women find threatening because it’s not obviously dressed as a sexist act. What I think of when I imagine a scene without sexism is a scene where we consciously make an effort to create a safer space for everyone, no matter who they are. So while we might not be saying “you can’t be in a band or go to this show because you’re a girl”, there are plenty of other things that go on that I consider to be sexist, because they’re blatantly not considering what would make women in the scene feel safe. So, for those who might not know what I’m talking about: you know what makes me feel unsafe? When you’re the only guy in the pit who doesn’t get the message to not fly full force into someone half your size or strength. When you take your shirt off at a show. When you ask me if I’m “IN the band or WITH the band” after a male bandmate says the four of us are all IN the band. When you tell me I play guitar well for a girl. When you say that all the guys want to fuck the girl in that band. When you make a rape joke. When you use the word bitch or call someone a slut. The list doesn’t end there. Now do you think the scene isn’t sexist?
One benefit of being in the punk scene for me, even where these things still happen, is having people around who also don’t think these things are okay. We’re responsible to call each other out if we’re doing things that make each other feel unsafe, myself included. No one is perfect, and I don’t expect that. What I do expect, however, is the ability to be held accountable for your actions, to apologize and hear everyone’s experience as valid. If you’re doing something that makes me feel unsafe at a show, I don’t care how long you’ve known me, or your history interacting with women, or how much you love Sleater Kinney. If you can’t be held accountable and apologize, then none of those other things really make a difference to me. This applies to anything from jokes in poor taste to sexual assault. Just because we’ve all known someone for years at shows doesn’t change them calling me a cunt, or assaulting their partner. Once people stop making the excuse of “we’re all on the same page” and start being honest with each other, we start creating real, physical, safer spaces for everyone, not just women.
Overall, I do feel good about my involvement in the scene and most of the people I associate with (of all genders). I think if we’re talking about sexism, we should also really be talking about acknowledging male privilege, which I think is the root of a lot of what I’ve mentioned. I’m tired of being asked why an all female-fronted show might be helpful for women, why creating women-only spaces is productive, why some of us call ourselves feminists. They’re “not being macho assholes.” “Our scene is past that.” They “feel alienated by it.” Well, in the words of Kathleen Hana, “I’m so sorry if I’m alienating some of you. Your whole fucking culture alienates me.” If people stopped nervously laughing that one off long enough to think about what it actually means, we could have a real conversation and then maybe one day I could stop feeling like sexism exists in my scene.
Lauren Denitzio is an artist, illustrator and designer working out of Brooklyn, NY. When she isn’t doing that, she plays guitar and shares vocal duties in The Measure [SA], contributes to a bunch of zines, and occasionally writes short essays on sexism for low-rent operations like this one. Find out more about her day job here www.blackandredeye.com, and The Measure [sa] here, www.themeasuresa.com.
